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Joke!

  • 1. "Your knowledge and input is always welcome but please respect the team, the drivers and other members. Abuse or harsh criticisms will not be tolerated".

    2. "This forum is designated 'Family Friendly' - (ie. we have young & impressionable readers - even if they're not Members/Posters) - therefore language must be moderated! - (how would YOU feel about YOUR 9 year old reading it?)

    3. "Use of characters (eg. #$*@!) that only 'partially' disguise an intended vulgar/offensive word(s) is unacceptable!
    If you MUST express yourself in such a manner... use ***** and let the reader's imagination 'fill in the blanks'."






    Thank you for your cooperation.
B

Bartman09

Active member
An elderly man was sitting in the bar at his local pub when he saw this young punk bloke with a massive Mohawk dyed with the colours of a rainbow.

The old man kept on staring at him not taking his eyes off him the whole time. After a while the young bloke had had enough of the old bloke staring at him so he approached him asking what his problem was.

The old bloke replied" When i was younger i got really Stoned and had sex with a peacock and i was just trying to work out if you were my Son"
 
T

TS-50

New member
A Bloke went to the doctor the other day and found out his new doctor is a young female; absolutely drop-dead gorgeous!

He was embarrassed, but . . . she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before. Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll help you in any way I can.”

"So" he said, “I think my penis may taste funny."
 
G

Gerry

New member
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way.
I am the head of the family, so call me the Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the people.
The nanny, we will consider her the working class and your baby brother, we will call him the future.
Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy so he goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father,
'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. "

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "The Prime Minister is screwing the working class while the Government is sound asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
 
S

Snappa

New member
A friend of mine just started his own business , making land mines that look like prayer mats.

It's doing well.

He says Prophets are going through the roof.
 
D

DJR 17

New member
A man pulls up next to a girl walking home from school and said: "If you get in, I'll give you a Lollypop."
The girl kept on walking and the man said: "If you get in I'll give you two Lollypops."
The girl kept her eyes on the sidewalk and co...ntinued walking. The man said: "Get in and I'll give you a whole bag of Lollypops."
Finally, the girl turned and said: "Look Dad, You bought the HOLDEN, There is no way im getting seen in that, YOU ride in it!!!"
 
B

Bartman09

Active member
DJR 17 said:
A man pulls up next to a girl walking home from school and said: "If you get in, I'll give you a Lollypop."
The girl kept on walking and the man said: "If you get in I'll give you two Lollypops."
The girl kept her eyes on the sidewalk and co...ntinued walking. The man said: "Get in and I'll give you a whole bag of Lollypops."
Finally, the girl turned and said: "Look Dad, You bought the HOLDEN, There is no way im getting seen in that, YOU ride in it!!!"
Click to expand...

PURE GOLD Alex...[crackup][crackup][crackup][crackup]
 
P

Poita

Administrator
Husband to wife "Right you sexy thing, upstairs now"


She looked at him and said "Ooh, you kinky old bugger"


He said "No, seriously, the footy's starting, now piss off!!”
 
T

TS-50

New member
Just got this in an email, . . .




Tolerance

I am perplexed that so many of my friends are against a mosque being
built near Ground Zero. I think it should be the goal of every
American to be tolerant. The mosque should be allowed, in an effort
to promote tolerance.

That is why I also propose, that two gay nightclubs be opened next
door to the mosque thereby promoting tolerance within the mosque. We
could call the clubs "The Turban Cowboy" and "You Mecca Me So Hot".

Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork and have
an open barbeque with spare ribs as its daily special. Across the
street a very daring lingerie store called "Victoria Keeps Nothing
Secret" with sexy mannequins in the window modeling the goods.

Next door to the lingerie shop, there would be room for an Adult Toy
Shop (Koranal Knowledge?), its name in flashing neon lights, and on
the other side a liquor store, maybe call it "Morehammered"?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Racin Jason

Racin Jason

Active member
Q. How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?

A. Only 1 but the light bulb has to want to change.
 
T

TS-50

New member
Dear Miss Gillard

Please find below our suggestion for fixing Australia 's economy.

Instead of giving billions of dollars to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them $1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Ten million job openings -

Unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new Australian car. Ten million cars ordered -

Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -

Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids/ grandchildren to school/TAFE/university -

Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy $100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week .....and

There's your money back in duty/tax etc

6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollutions emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know. If not, please disregard.


Yours sincerely,

The people of Australia
 
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